Goodwill Studies, Part 2

Fabulous Finds
1) A black women's shirt completely covered in pairs of googly eyes. The big ones you use for craft projects. They rattle when you shake them.
2) A motorcycle phone. It's a phone-sized motorcycle (red, Harley Davidson)...and a phone.
3) A handful of naked ceramic Santas.
4) A shirt that only says "Kazakhstan" in bold print.
5) A kangaroo suit.


Further Characters


QVCTV

QVCTV is not quite a little old lady. She's approaching little old ladydom, but I'd say she's more of a medium-sized middle-aged lady right now, on the outward cusp. At any rate, I was pricing down the electronics one day when she approached me and began asking me questions about the TV change over that I wasn't prepared to answer, not owning a TV myself. The conversation went about thusly:

QVCTV: So do you know if this *waving around an unidentifiable grayish box with a tuner that appeared to have once been a cutting-edge unidentifiable grayish piece of technology* will keep my TV coming?
Eva: I, um, I'm really not sure. I don't know if it's actually a TV par--
QVCTV: I mean, with the change and all.
Eva: I honestly couldn't say...what kind of TV do you have?
QVCTV: The kind with rabbit ears.
Eva: Aeuhhrr...
QVCTV: I just CANNOT LIVE without my QVC channel. Just can't do it. My house, we can't live without QVC.

Fortunately, at about this point a customer who worked for a cable company stepped in to answer her questions. Assuming our interactions were over, I went back to looking over the electronics, and, when one of the more tolerable songs came on our work radio, I sang along with it to maintain my sanity.

QVCTV: Ohhh!! Oh your VOICE!
Eva: ...euh?
QVCTV: Don't you hide that voice from ANYONE!!
Eva: *half-heartedly resumes singing*
QVCTV: OH, you would make such a wonderful nursemaid!!
Eva: *silence*
QVCTV: *referring to the singer* She's such a wonderful artist. I think she must be Christian. Since she sings about love and faith all the time.
Eva: *applies $0.25 tag to QVCTV's forehead and exits*

Okay, that last bit was just wishful thinking.


Slow Buggy

Slow Buggy is one of our community service workers. Slow Buggy doesn't speak. He also barely moves. I'm not entirely convinced Slow Buggy is not an extremely advanced member of the family Pinaceae. Perhaps a boxwood instead. Slow Buggy's only task, on most days, is to take the hardgoods buggies from the back and put the hardgoods items--anything that's not clothing--out on the sales floor. Slow Buggy somehow does this SO MIND-BENDINGLY SLOWLY that his path almost never intersects with that of someone traveling at normal speed in our dimension. Every now and then you'll see him grab one item from a buggy in the back and shuffle vaguely towards the sales floor, and you might see him again an hour later placing that item on a rack, but in between he's active on such a low frequency he's completely imperceptible to ordinary human vision.

At least that's my theory.


Mrs. Roboto

I was putting out auction items one day when someone tapped my shoulder. I heard a crinkly, quavering, achingly slow voice say: "Excuse me, young lady."
I turned around to see the ancient and venerable Mrs. Roboto peering up at me through what seemed to be two vintage magnifying glasses on sticks. She blinked and cleared her throat.
"Do you have any robots?"